The
Definition of Incest:
Incest is an act of power against a child that takes a
sexual form. It is the violation and betrayal of the sexual innocence of a
child. We define incest to include:
- Suggestive or
seductive talk or behavior directed at a child
- Any unwanted,
invasive touching, including kissing, wrestling & tickling
- Non-medical enemas
- Showing a child
pornography or nudity
- Sexual fondling,
oral sex, sodomy and/or intercourse
Incest
survivors come from both sexes, all economic and social backgrounds, races,
religions, nationalities, and sexual orientations. It is not uncommon for
incest survivors to wonder if the experience really happened or if they
imagined it. What is important for you to realize is that children DO NOT,
on their own, imagine situations of sexual arousal or violation. That
information is not within a child’s realm of knowledge. As an adult, if you
think something happened, it probably did. The truth is shown by the emotions
you feel as you try to remember.
The
emphasis of incest recovery is on understanding the violation of trust we
experienced at the hands of those who were supposed to be our protectors.
Incest perpetrators may have been our parents, older siblings, other family
members, family friends, neighbors, and baby-sitters, members of the clergy,
teachers, doctors or others in a position of authority over us as children.
In
circumstances where we were repeatedly exposed to our perpetrators, we lost
what should have been our birthright, a safe place to grow up. Having to
continue to associate with our perpetrators in our daily and nightly childhood
lives, our ability to trust was destroyed. Our very childhood itself was
betrayed. We lived in an environment of abuse so devastating that, to survive
it, many have lived in denial that became amnesia, developed multiple
personalities, physical illnesses, sexual obsessions, severe depression and/or
suicidal tendencies. These were the survival techniques we used as very
inventive children who were determined to live beyond our torment. We give
thanks to our child who was, because he or she did whatever was necessary to
allow us to survive the horror and to be alive today.
But
now it is necessary that we begin to leave behind survival techniques that no
longer serve us.
While
most societies have maintained a sense of taboo regarding incest, in point of
fact, the sense of taboo has not been in committing
incest, but rather in talking about
incest, especially by those who have experienced
it. In meetings, we break this
silence. Remember, we are only as sick as our secrets. We are a gathering of
people determined to remember, to speak, to be heard and to heal.
Above
all, we guard our safety and privacy. What is shared here is not for gossip,
comment, or outside conversation. Here in this room, we give voice to our
secrets and heal. As we share our trust and rediscover our love, we want you to
know that you are not to blame, and that you are not alone.