Survivors of Incest Anonymous
Coming Home Phone Line
for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Call  1.712.432.8808     
Access code 742247#

Press *1 to mute and unmute

12 Guidelines for Safe Sharing at phone meetings


The 12 Guidelines for Safe Sharing have been developed to keep our phone line a safe place for childhood sexual abuse survivors. Please follow the Guidelines during meetings, fellowship time and in your communications with fellow Survivors outside the phone line.


Guideline 1: No Perpetrators

Perpetrators are not allowed at SIA meetings.We are here to heal from the wounds of sexual abuse by sharing our experience, strength and hope. We may talk about the incest, its effects, our memories, our feelings, our problems, our recovery, our dreams or any other experience, but not on current or past adult perpetrating behaviors including sexual objectification, in practice or fantasy, for personal pleasure.


Guideline 2: Identifying

We keep the focus on our own recovery and take our own inventory, not other survivors’. It’s okay to identify with what another has said and share our personal experience about the same topic, but we do not name that person while we say that we are identifying. We give feedback only when asked.


Guideline 3: ‘I’ Statements

We talk in ‘I’ statements. However, if you’re multiple or referring to you and your inner kids, feel free to share using the “We” voice, but please let the group know that your “We” applies to you and not everyone else.


Guideline 4: Non-SIA Literature

We care for fellow Survivors by trying to remember to announce when we are going to read or quote non-SIA literature, share highly graphic abuse memories or use four-lettered language. When we share non-SIA literature, we relate it to our recovery from the disease of childhood mental, emotional, physical and sexual trauma.


Guideline 5: Intense Emotions

We may safely express intense emotions—anyone may sob freely without interference, express anger, terror, shame or any other feeling through words, without risk of being asked to leave.


Guideline 6: No Discrimination

We do not express anger or criticism towards a group of people based on gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, affiliation or disability. It is okay to share that we feel triggered by a group because they remind us of our perpetrator, but anger needs to be directed at the perpetrator specifically, not general groups.


Guideline 7: Communication Boundaries

We respect and honor our fellow Survivors by refraining from name calling, criticizing, gossip, talking about conflicts we may be having with other members of the line or violating communication boundaries when sharing at meetings. Likewise, we place other Survivorsí needs on equal footing with our own in the context of the meeting.


Guideline 8: Anonymity

We don’t break anonymity about what was shared in the meeting outside of the meeting, or vice versa.


Guideline 9: No Cross Talk

We don’t cross talk, which includes:

                        No interrupting while others speak

                        No commenting on what others have said when it is our turn to share

                        No giving advice or attempting to comfort others

Note: Using another person’s name when thanking them for their share is not considered cross talk.


Guideline 10: Triggers

We attend meetings with the awareness that we may be triggered. We avoid turning the present into the past. Other Survivors’ words, vocal tones, and responses may make us feel that we are dealing with perpetrators. Therefore, we caution Survivors not to treat other Survivors as if they are abusers. If someone on the line is triggering, we learn to deal with the evoked emotions responsibly by muting our phones when needed, setting boundaries with anyone that triggers us, taking evoked feelings back to the original abuse experiences, comforting our inner children, and refraining from any desire to gossip that may arise due to being triggered by a fellow survivor.


Guideline 11: Muting

We respect the safety of the meeting and honor the sharing of other survivors by keeping our phones muted at all times when not sharing. To mute and unmute press *1.


Guideline 12: No 13th Stepping

We maintain safety in and out of meetings by refraining from 13th stepping, or using the meeting contact list to ask someone for a romantic date.


What to do if Guidelines for Safe Sharing are Not Followed


We strive for meeting safety with our Guidelines, yet practice grace by providing a protocol for Guideline violations. When we feel a perpetration issue has been shared or a Guideline has been violated, any member may ask the moderator to reread the Guideline. If the violation continues, any member may request a Group Conscience Safety Check, the format of which is detailed on our website,

We recognize that there may be situations not covered by these Guidelines. When situations occur that repeatedly create a lack of safety on the line, the group may meet to decide if a violation has occurred, and may ask a person to leave the line under those circumstances.